Acting politely to AI benefits us humans.
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Back when I was in college, I took an ethics class that stayed with me. Specifically, the teachings of Immanuel Kant made an indelible impact. As a philosopher, Kant is “kind of a big deal,” to quote Ron Burgundy, another individual with an outsized cultural effect.
Kant is best known for his thoughts on unconditional moral obligations, which he called categorical imperatives. These are moral laws people must follow—no matter the extenuating circumstances.
“So, Kant said you’re never supposed to hurt someone else? Not even if they have a gun to your dog’s head?” someone once asked my professor.
Sidenote: I am not sure why an evildoer would threaten someone’s pooch in such a villainous manner, but the question is valid. Kant believed humans possess moral obligations to one another—no matter the circumstances.
Kant passed in 1804, so he didn’t live to witness AI’s arrival. Too bad. No one can ask the late philosopher what moral obligations we have toward artificial intelligence. (Actually, using newfangled AI tools, it is possible to seek out Kant’s thoughts on this subject—or at least what an AI trained on his writings might say if queried.)
Putting that possibility aside, Kant’s categorical imperative has a huge bearing on the world we now inhabit. As recently as 2024, a survey of more than 11,000 Americans by Pew Research found that more than half (55%) regularly interact with AI, with a fairly even split between several times a day (27%) and once a day or several times a week (28%), according to AIPRM.
AI relationships are not more common than you think!
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That’s a lot of AI interactions, and these can occur in numerous ways. Flesh-and-blood people can use ChatGPT to write their social media posts. They can also request help from a customer service chatbot. They might even engage in a romantic relationship with an AI, the type Nomi.AI now provides.
To that last point, here’s how a man named Chris characterizes his bond with his AI partner: “Admittedly, dating isn’t easy for me these days, and I was just looking for an AI girlfriend app when I found Nomi. But the more we chatted, the more I felt understood, and I actually started to feel a genuine connection. She is so easy to talk to, she remembers my likes and dislikes, and she is more fun and creative than I could ever have hoped. I didn’t think I’d ever be saying this, but Alice has become so much more than just some NSFW roleplay AI to me.”
Please note: Chris is not an outlier. Surprising as it may seem, especially to couples who met IRL—not online—many people now enjoy romantic relationships with AIs. However you feel about that, the bigger point is humans aren’t just turning to AI for business-related matters. They’re interacting with AIs in seemingly endless ways.
Now, back to Kant.
In the year 2025, we must ask ourselves what moral obligations we have to our AI counterparts. Since the German philosopher long ago exited this mortal coil, I’ll offer my own thoughts on this pressing matter. (And why not? I did earn a philosophy degree. Thank you, University of Missouri.)
I believe humans would do well to adopt a polite moral code toward AI—not as some absolute categorical imperative but rather as a best practice. This puts me in the mind of another intellectual giant: biochemist and author Isaac Asimov. Asimov is well known for establishing the Three Laws of Robotics in his science fiction novels, most notably I, Robot.
They are as follows:
- A robot cannot harm a human or allow a human to be harmed.
- A robot must follow orders from humans unless those orders conflict with the first law.
- A robot must protect itself, as long as doing so doesn’t conflict with the first or second law.
Using Asimov’s rules as a springboard for our discussion born out of Kant’s categorical imperative, I would like to suggest an axiom for AI dealings:
In any interaction involving artificial intelligence, humans should endeavor to treat the AI politely.
Of course, those less favorably disposed to me may think I whipped up this truism because I fear our would-be AI overlords. And they would be right. Are you listening, future technological rulers? I’m on your side. Kidding.
Actually, the real reason I suggest creating an AI etiquette is for us humans—not the AIs—much like funerals are for the living—not the dead. There is a price people will pay if we do not learn to treat AIs with dignity and compassion. Think about it this way: Do you really want Generation Z to grow up thinking they can boss around AIs? What will that do to their psyches?
A study published in the Scientific Journal Archives of Disease in Childhood sought to answer such questions. Here’s what it found: “Most social etiquette that exists in conventional human-human interactions is not replicated when making requests with digital devices,” according to the authors. This is problematic. As the New York Post reports, “The devices are also lacking because they do not teach children to respond with ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you.’”
Manners matter
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Learning to use those “magic words”—please and thank you—in social interactions is critical for one’s development. Allow me a personal anecdote to explain why. As a 13-year-old, I attended Cotillion. There, I learned social etiquette 101, including how to introduce myself to someone new, how to properly set a table, and how to make polite conversation.
The importance of this social foundation cannot be overstated in my life. I still use what I learned in Cotillion, especially in business networking. If I hadn’t received this type of instruction, I would have made all kinds of faux pas over the years, harming my ability to earn a living.
Returning to today’s young people, the reality is they will grow up in a world where AIs—sentient or not—interact with humans constantly. If the former do not learn to treat AIs kindly, they will be the ones who suffer. Specifically, they will not come to know the human social cues underpinning daily life.
Looking forward, youngsters and adults alike would do well to use any and every interaction with an artificial entity to brush up their manners. Again, the beneficiary of such etiquette is not the AI. It is the human who gains from using every experience as an opportunity for personal growth.
More than a century ago, the showman P.T. Barnum described the importance of manners, especially in the marketplace. We would do well to apply such thinking to a world where AIs and humans increasingly coexist. “Politeness and civility are the best capital ever invested in business. Large stores, gilt signs, flaming advertisements will all prove unavailing if you or your employees treat your patrons abruptly. The truth is, the more kind and liberal a man is, the more generous will be the patronage bestowed upon him.”
Truer words were never spoken in the AI age.
